The title of this post comes from the song “Dead, Drunk and Naked,” by the Drive-by Truckers. I think about this song lyric a lot. It’s probably one of my favorite lyrics. (Maybe I should start another page of all my favorite song lyrics.)
It gets followed up with the line “And I wish that he was here now, I’m sure he would be proud, No one talks about me now.”
When you think about it, that’s all we really are, isn’t it? Our reputation? No one gives a shit about our jobs, or our hobbies, how many video games we’ve played, or what shows we’ve watched on Netflix.
What they do care about is: Do we show up when they need us? Are we honest? On time?
This actually has caused a bit of an existential crisis in me lately. I always strive to be the kind of friend I’d like to have. I volunteer to help move, I’m always reaching out to check in, or make plans. I try never to cancel them. But, I’m not grappling with the fact that it may not be entirely altruistic.
There’s another band, Shelter, who are a “Krishnacore” band, and their lead singer has an interview where he talks about playing music, and whether or not it’s maya or divine. He also tells the story in his book. But, basically, one of his mentors asked him once if he was playing music in worship of Krishna, or if it was because he was trying to be “god,” that is, if he was doing it for the positive attention.
When I heard him say that, it really sent me into a spiral. Am I trying to be a good friend, or am I performing maya (I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’m spelling or using this phrase right) by wanting people to talk about me in a positive light when I’m not around. I’m grappling with this, and I’m worried it’s similar to the “nice guy” effect. Which is creepy and gross. I don’t want to be creepy and gross- at least in that “look at me!” kind of way.
That’s all I’ve got. Listen to The Drive-By Truckers, listen to Shelter. Do crime. Plant a garden where you shouldn’t.